Thinking back on my career, one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was, “Listen, listen, listen.” and “Don’t be defensive.”

For some people, just the thought of communicating their personal needs with a boss or partner can be enough to produce stress and anxiety.

When we put our needs on the backburner, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression and exhaustion. Additionally, we may be more likely to feel resentment, disconnection and misunderstanding toward people close to us.

Maybe you’d love for your spouse to find a sitter and plan a date night, but it just hasn’t happened yet. Or, maybe you’ve worked at your company for 4+ years and you are due for a much deserved raise. Or, maybe you need a girl’s night out and you need your partner to watch the kids for an evening.

Trust me, while it would be amazing for these things to happen without us mentioning anything, they usually don’t. Sometimes, it takes effective communicating (and in some cases, persuasion) for it to happen.

With preparation and a few strategies, I’m going to help you confidently, comfortably and effectively communicate what you want and get what you need so you can stop putting your needs on the backburner!

Courageous Communications Tips

Write Down Your Needs

Write down the topics and personal needs you want to discuss. This is also a good time to let out any bottled up emotions before your conversation.

Find the Right Time and Place
Choose a time and place that’s best for you and the other person to talk so you both have undivided attention when speaking. Try to hold the conversation in person and avoid texting.

Conversation Objectives
Then, write a few objectives for the conversation. What do you hope to accomplish by the end of the conversation?

Express Confident Body Language
When it’s time to have the talk, practice good body language. Keep a relaxed posture with your back straight and shoulders comfortable. Reduce any fidgeting. And, it doesn’t help to put on a smile.

Use “I” statements vs “You”
Deflect from placing blame on the other person. Stay focused on communicating your needs.

Actively Listen and Ask Questions
Seek to understand the other person when having a conversation. This will help you both come to a mutual agreement and decision forward.

Prevent An Argument
If the conversation begins to escalate, simply prevent an argument by stopping the conversation and try again another time. Be sure to come back to the conversation at another time though.

Make Requests and Agreeable Actions
By the end of the conversation, make your requests known and discuss action(s) with the other person that you both agree on. This will not only create positive change, but it will ultimately support your needs. Discuss when you will check in on the actions so you hold true to the outcomes of the conversation.

Self Care Isn’t Selfish

What are you in need of lately? We’d love to hear from you and you’re invited to share below. For more effective communication strategies to help you get what you want so you can stop putting your needs on the backburner, email hello@luminarelife.com.

The Luminare Life Coaching Program helps our clients to ALIGN to their true desires in life by developing unique core values and personal goals, learn techniques to de-stress and discover inner balance, and experience new levels of clarity, purpose and direction. For more information, book your free Ditch-Your-Stress Transformation call today.